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I spent the next few days dragging through the house, sluggish and anemic. I'd go from the kitchen to the bedroom, spending most of my day lying nearly comatose in bed, watching lackadaisical as infomercial after infomercial plugged along. I never cracked a smile or showed any evidence of consciousness, save for my open eyes.

I noticed Katie walking by my door every few hours and peeking in, but she never made the initiative to enter. Part of me felt guilty that I wasn't more hospitable and brotherly, but the rest of me was too emotionally and physically sapped to put forth the effort to apologize or invite her in.

I was usually glad when I'd notice her shadow stop momentarily at my door and then move away because I didn't have to face up to the questions she'd undoubtedly ask. Questions about Sarah, about what I was going to do next, about when I was going to snap out of my stupor. I just didn't feel like doing anything but soaking in my misery. I wasn't in the mood for any human interaction.

It was a cool Wednesday night and I was settled in my usual place: lying lazily on my bed, wrapped in blankets and staring listlessly at the television. Peripherally, I noticed Katie once more orbit past my door, checking in on me, no doubt, but this time, instead of leaving after a few moments, she wandered in.

I laid there, giving no reaction to her having entered. Without moving my head, I scanned my eyes over at her and found her standing there, inconspicuously watching my TV. After about a minute, though, she walked past the TV to the side of the bed my head was and sat Indian-style on the floor. She looked up at me and noticed my eyes were open. She seemed surprised.

"Oh, I didn't know you were awake. I thought I'd come in here and check in on you. I hope I didn't wake you up." She said.

"No, you didn't. I've been awake for awhile."

"Every time I've walked by your room, you've been in the same position. You've been laying like that since you woke up?" she chuckled.

"Yeah." I said lazily, no emotion on my face, eyes still trained on the TV.

Katie seemed to think for a few seconds, thoughts stirring in her head. "Do you want me to leave?"

"It's ok, you can stay." My voice sounded like I was ill, but I wasn't physically ill, but my emotional fatigue had shown and Katie realized it.

"Is... is it ok if I sit here?" she asked hesitantly.

For the first time in hours, I lifted my head and, feeling the muscles stretch and creak inside my body, I looked over my shoulder seeing the other side of the bed vacant, so I slid over to the vacant end. "You can sit on the bed if you want, since I don't have any chairs in here."

Her eyes seemed to light up as she slowly stood and carefully sat on the bed. "Ok, thanks. I'll try not to crowd you."

"I don't see how you could. You couldn't weight more than, what, 100?" I asked, my voice still stuffy and muffled, my eyes blank and humorless.

She smiled nervously as she sat there, almost blushing, her legs pulled up to her chest. "Hmm, actually, I think I weight closer to 112 or 115."

For the first time, I actually forgot about Sarah. My eyebrows rose. I didn't think she weighed that much, which really wasn't much at all. "Really?"

"Yeah, why?" she asked, tucking strands of hair behind her ear.

"I don't know. You look like you weigh less than that."

"Ohh, ok." She said with a perky smile, seemingly flattered.

After about fifteen minutes of silence, she spoke up. "Have you been feeling ok?"

It took me a few seconds to respond. "I've been ok, I guess."

"You just haven't seemed yourself lately. I know everything that happened with... what's her name, but I've just been worried is all."

"Thanks. I think I'll be ok."

"Is it ok if I visit you from time to time? Or do you want to be left alone?"

"Umm, no, you can stay if you want." I said.

Over the next week, Katie became a constant tenant in my room. After the first few days, she didn't bother to ask if she could come in and stay with me, and I didn't care that she didn't ask. For the first time in awhile, I actually enjoyed the company.

Katie didn't pressure me with questions, or prodded me to open up with my emotions. She just kept me company, showed me that someone truly cared for me, and let me deal with my internal conflicts in my own way. She merely was there for me in case I wanted to open up. To me, she was like a safety net, there to catch me when I needed to be caught.

I felt completely comfortable having her around. She'd usually just sit next to me on the bed, her knees pulled up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her legs, smiling and laughing as we watched cartoons or funny movies. I even smiled once or twice. Ok, I lied; I actually started smiling a lot. I still wasn't ready to leave the confines and safety of the blanket, but I was loosening up.

After a couple of weeks, I'd become so comfortable with having Katie around that the scars from Sarah's betrayal had begun to heal. I'd even kicked off the blanket! Now, I'd usually lie casually on the bed, on my side. I was now smiling and laughing more than I ever had since I came home. Katie made the transition back into normalcy easier by being my constant companion, there for me when I needed an ear to listen to me, a voice other than my own to listen to, a presence just to keep me company.

It was strange being in the company of another girl and having Sarah almost out of my mind. If Katie wasn't my sister, she'd make an ideal mate, for me, anyways. We were highly compatible and almost always got along really well. Only someone as sweet as her could have me feeling so good so soon based on what I'd gone through, and I don't even think Katie realized the effect she had on me.

I'd glance up at her sometimes as she watched TV in my room, watching her smile and laugh. She was caught up in being with me like when we were younger and practically connected at the hip. She was completely oblivious to how she was affecting me. I appreciated that she was just there and didn't ask for anything in return, even my acknowledgment that she was there. She was just happy to be with me and that made me happy to have her.

One night, an incident happened that changed my relationship with Katie forever. At the time, I was excited beyond measure, and then I felt regret, but now I realize how special the moment was.

Predictably, as every day for the last several weeks, I was still finding solace vegging out in my room. Katie was lying on her back next to me. We were watching some cartoons. The mood was light and cozy. The evening weather was neither warm nor cold, it was perfect. Outside, the air was still, save for the rare slight ocean breeze.

I noticed Katie was in a heightened, sunnier disposition than usual. She seemed almost blissful. Her smiles were deeper and richer, the look in her eyes was friendlier, there was just something I couldn't put my finger on, but she was in a very good mood.

After the cartoon was over, she turned towards me, her smile turning more serious, no doubt in respect for my emotional condition. "Hi."

"Hi." I replied.

"You seem better."

"I feel better." I said. "Thanks to you."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"You've really made it easy to get my mind off of her, off of what happened."

Katie scooted towards me a few inches and placed a gentle hand on mine. "You know, you don't deserve what happened. She doesn't deserve you. You deserve better. I mean, you're such a great guy. You deserve a girl who will love you the way you should be loved. I know I'm not Sarah, but I know I can take care of you better than she can. Well, not in every way, but almost every way."

I smiled. "What do you mean, 'almost every way'?

She blushed. "You know what way I mean."

I realized what she was talking about. "Ohh, that. Well, I wouldn't know. I couldn't compare you two. I've only been with her."

Katie got this deflated look on her face. "I know."

I felt guilty for saying what seemed hurtful to her. I reached out to her and rested my hand on her shoulder. "Hey, I didn't mean it like... I've been with her, yeah, but that doesn't matter now. I'd never touch her now. I know you'd never hurt me the way she did. That's why I know I'll always love you in a different way, in a way I could never love someone else."

She looked up at me, my words having moved her. "Really? You know, I don't think you've ever told me you loved me."

"Really?" I said, surprised.

"Yeah."

We sat there looking at each other for a tense moment.

"Hey, can I have a hug?" I asked boldly, holding out my right arm to her.

She smiled and scooted the foot or so that separated us and embraced me. The feeling was indescribable. The warmth of her loving embrace was so intense that I almost wanted to break out into tears. I held her close, hoping I wasn't squeezing too tight, but she was squeezing me so tight that I didn't think I'd need to apologize for the strength of my hug.

The hug dragged on for what seemed like a minute or so and then the thought entered my mind that we'd entered into inappropriate territory. The hug seemed to slowly evolve from an intense, loving one into a softer, more passionate one. She wasn't holding onto me tightly anymore, but was just keeping me up against her, not saying a word. Of course, I was doing the same and my excuse was inexcusable: it felt good.

Having this warm, loving body pressed against mine was a sensation I wasn't quickly going to abandon. I didn't want to pry myself away from her but I was also intensely curious about her state of mind. Was this just an innocent hug gone long or was she being a bit more affectionate than she'd ever been?

In an attempt to be extremely bold, I started rubbing her back in a way that could be construed as anything but brotherly. Her response surprised me. She clutched me closer, started rubbing my back the same way I was rubbing hers and started nuzzling her face into the crook of my neck.

Being even bolder, as my hand ran down her back, when I got to the bottom of her shirt, I slipped my hand under it and rested my hand on part of her bare back near her hip. With that, she seemed to tighten up and pull her hands away from my back. She slowly reached down, as if for my hand, which I gave to her, and she brought it up in front on her, resting my hand on her stomach, just below her breast. Instinctively, I ran my hand up over her shirt and rested it atop the soft, fleshy globe of her breast giving it a very gentle squeeze.

I heard let out a whimpering gasp. I whispered. "You ok?"

All she did was murmur "Hmm-mhh."

I continued very softly rubbing her breast through her shirt. After about ten seconds, she pulled away from our embrace just enough so that her face was in front of mine, her hands resting on my chest. She had this blissful look on her face, which was down turned ever so slightly. She was so incredibly beautiful that I couldn't stop myself from what happened next. I leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips. After the kiss, I left my lips on her and what she did surprised me: she pushed forward, kissing me back.

The kiss was painfully soft and wet. I never wanted it to end. After the kiss, we laid down and she snuggled up next to me and we continued to watch TV as if nothing had happened.

The days after the incident were actually pretty nice, except for the fact that neither Katie, nor I dared to bring up what had happened days before. Other than that, I'd built up the courage and confidence to get out of the bedroom. So I watched TV in the living room. Yeah, I know, I'm slightly more active than a head of lettuce.

Like a looping routine, I'd be on the couch, sprawled out and taking up way too much room and Katie would walk in carrying a bowl of chips or popcorn or something, plop down on the smaller couch next to the sofa I was on, ask me what was on TV and start watching with me and we'd exchange pleasant snippets of conversation as we watched a show or movie. Tonight was no different.

It was Friday and things were lazy, like usual. I was planning to just stay in, watch some DVDs, nothing special. I had planned to watch some action movie, a pretty gory one. In fact, it had some pretty intense gunfights too. An all-around guy movie. I popped it in and sat down. I was going solo tonight because I had peeked in on Katie about an hour prior and found her to be fast asleep, cozy in her bed.

After the previews finished up, I heard that familiar shuffling and Katie wandered into the living room, her hair teased and tussled, her eyes tired and squinting from the aftereffects of prematurely awakening.

"Why didn't you wake me up, jerk?" she asked, slightly slurring her speech.

I was taken aback a bit by her slight annoyance at me not having woken her up. I made an effort not to make a lazy excuse.

"I'm sorry! I saw you asleep and didn't want to wake you up. I didn't think it would be a big deal. It's just some dumb movie I'm watching..."

Arms hanging at her sides, she drug herself over to the couch I was on and collapsed, but sitting up straight. She didn't look at me as she talked, her eyes still barely open but focusing on the TV.

"That's lame, Kevin. You know we watch movies every night. Well, almost every night. All you had to do was nudge me a few times and I would've woken up."

I didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry. Next time, I'll just wake you up."

Her agitation was more acted than anything. She wasn't mad, she just liked being theatrical, at least with me. I think it was because I was the only person she felt safe being theatrical with. In fact, I had only ever seen her being theatrical around me.

She kept on the charade, really riding me on the guilt trip.

"Yeah, right. I think you just don't like spending time with me and any chance you can get to get out of spending time with me, you do. Jerk."

Eyes still lazily fixed on the TV, she never turned to look at me. I smiled and leaned over, wrapping her head in my arm and pulling her into a one-armed hug, nuzzling her head into the spot between my shoulder and chest.

"Awww..." I cooed mockingly. "...poor baby."

She sat up and pushed me away, scooting back over to where she was. She spoke in hushed tones, her mock anger having been tamed.

"Jerk," she commented.

I looked at her and smiled. "But seriously, next time I won't start without you, ok?"

She didn't respond. For a moment I started thinking that maybe she wasn't joking and might've been serious about the whole thing. I straightened up, realizing maybe I shouldn't be so flippant about the whole thing and consider her feelings. I reached towards her, resting my right hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, look, I'm sorry if you're really mad, ok? It was a mistake and it won't happen again."

"It's okay," she responded quite plainly.

She kind of shrugged her shoulder a little, just slightly, as if to signal me to remove my hand, but without being abrupt and abrasive about it. I got the message and moved my hand, turning back to the TV.

After a few minutes, she got up without any pretense and walked into the kitchen, turning on the light.

"Want something to drink?" she offered in a voice not wholly awake.

"Sure, I'll just have what you're having."

After a minute she brought in a couple of glasses of coke and we sat down to watch the movie. I realized we were watching a testosterone fest and felt obliged to apologize.

"Umm, I didn't know you were going to be awake so I kind of threw in this action movie. It's kind of a guy movie so I apologize if you're not into it."

"I like action movies, Kevin..." she threw back at me, "You know that. Or, you should know that."

I tried to be light about the whole thing, chuckling a little.

"I know mostly what movies you're into. I just think that you're the type of person that wouldn't complain regardless of what movie is playing, unless it was a porno or something. I was just being thoughtful and making sure you we're into the movie, that's all."

She looked at me suspiciously. "If you throw a porno in, it better be in your room when you're by yourself. It'd be so embarrassing having to watch a porno with you."

"Why?" I laughed.

She smiled. "Why? It'd be so awkward. What would we talk about during the movie? "Wow, she has big boobs, look at 'em bounce around."

"Yeah, I know. It would be pretty awkward. I'd keep making excuses to get up and leave the room."

"Yeah, maybe to go spank your monkey or something."

I laughed. "What's gotten into you tonight? "

She stared ahead, not locking eyes with me. "Nothing."

I didn't know much about women but I knew that when a girl told you nothing was wrong, something was definitely wrong. "Come on, it's ok. Tell me."

After a few moments of what appeared to be mental conflict, Katie broke down. "You know, you haven't said anything about what happened the other night since it happened."

I knew it was eventually going to come up. The mood instantly became hush. I looked down, searching for the words. "Katie... I..."

"I'm sorry if you regret it." She blurted out.

"No..." I stammered. "I didn't... I don't..."

She seemed sad, lost as her eyes finally wandered to find mine. "It's ok. I think I was just feeling a little... you know, because of my cycle. I guess we were just in the wrong place at the right time. If you think I'm a total perv, I don't blame you."

I turned to her.

"Katie, I was the one that started it. With the hug, then, you know... I really shouldn't have done that."

"So you do regret it then?" she asked, this time looking me dead in the eyes.

"No... not at all. Well, I don't if you liked it."

She looked down, cracking a smile. "I liked it, that's why I kissed you back."

"I don't know what got into me. I just... maybe it was the time away from you, but you seemed so different when I came home. At that moment, I had trouble thinking of you as my sister. I just saw this incredibly sweet and cute girl in front of me and I couldn't control myself."

She turned her head, looking at me with a very sincere curiosity. "Is that bad?"

"No, actually. It's great. I'm just so used to you keeping to yourself but since I came home you've been so open and kind and sweet to me when I needed you. "

She turned back to the TV, clutching her soda close to her. "I don't know, I think I'm just comfortable around you and that's why I did what I did. Especially with mom and dad being gone, you know? I figured I could just do what I felt in my heart was right and you wouldn't make me regret it."

I smiled. "Of course I wouldn't make you regret it."

"I guess we both just got caught up in the moment. I definitely don't regret it, though. You just seemed so hurt. I just hated seeing you like that, so I just wanted to do what I could to show you you weren't alone", she said, making me curious as to what she meant.

"How so?" I inquired.

She paused momentarily, her eyes seeking a way to put into words what she was thinking without saying something that could be misconstrued.

"Well, like when you gave me that hug, that was like the first time in ages that you, you know, put your arms around me or anything. I've never felt so... loved"

"I figured that we're on such good terms that we should be able to goof off like that every now and then. I shouldn't be afraid to give you a hug every now and then, right?"

She thought about that for a few seconds then looked at me. "So I shouldn't feel weird about asking you for a hug?"

"Would you feel weird asking me for a hug?"

Her eyes moved away, the gears in her mind moving again. "Yeah, a little, but only because we'd never been like that before, you know, affectionate? But I guess I can't say that anymore, can I?" she said with a smile.

"I just don't want you to feel afraid around me for any reason. Like, if you ever wanted to give me a hug or something, don't feel like I'd reject you or get mad or anything, and that goes for anything. I want you to just feel like you can come to me, because I am your brother and I love you."

She smiled. "I feel so comfortable around you. I've never felt so comfortable around any guy."

"I know, I feel the same way about you. I guess that's what I was getting at, that we should just be more open."

That having been said, Katie sat up, curled her legs up onto the couch and turned to me, seemingly investing more interest in the conversation.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked.

"Of course."

She was clearly blushing and had difficulty asking her question. "Did you like it when... umm...when you felt me..."

I couldn't help but blush too. "I'm so sorry about that. I know that I shouldn't have touched you like that..."

She was almost whispering but I could hear her clearly because we were not sitting so closely together. "No, it's ok. I think I was swept up in the moment too. So, you didn't answer my question."

I smiled. "You never really asked one."

Playfully flustered, she smiled. "When you felt me up, did you like it?"

"Oh yeah, I really did. You have... a really nice body."

She giggled. "You haven't seen my body."

I laughed too. "Is that an invitation?" All she could do was blush and giggle. "Well, it felt really nice. I hope it felt nice for you."

She looked down. "Yeah, it felt really nice."

"Are you glad we stopped when we did?" I asked, curiously.

She didn't seem sure of how to answer. It took her a few seconds. "I kinda just went along with what you did, so when you stopped I guess I didn't want to keep going. I figured you wanted to stop."

"I just felt lucky that you kissed me and let me hold you so I didn't want to push my luck."

She smiled. "It had nothing to do with luck."

We were both now in what was just about the deepest, most personal conversation we'd ever shared. We had completely forgotten about the movie.

"So, how come you don't have a boyfriend?" I asked. "You seem like the kind of girl who could have all kinds of guys on the hook."

She smiled shyly, shaking her head. "No, I don't know. I've just never thought about it like that. I mean, I want to be with someone, but I know how guys are. I know guys really just want one thing and it's kind of tough finding a guy I feel safe with that I know won't hurt me, you know?"

"Yeah, I do."

Katie's eyes shifted a little. "I mean, you're really the only guy I feel safe with, but..."

"But I'm just your brother."

She shifted to get slightly closer to me, her eyes apologetic.

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that. I mean, you are my brother and I enjoy all the time we spend together, but..."

"It's not the same as having a boyfriend." I finished her sentence. I smiled, looking down. "Is that was you meant by not being able to take care of me in every way?"

She nervously tucked some hair behind her ear. "You know what I meant by that. Even if I could, I wouldn't be any good..." She laughed. "I don't even know how to kiss, much less do any of that other stuff."

"I think you kiss pretty well."

"You're just being nice."

I wanted to show her that wasn't the case. I leaned forward and tried to more energetically plead my case. "No, not at all. That kiss was really incredible."

She seemed surprised. "Really?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"How could you tell? That kiss only lasted like a second or two."

"It was so nice I wanted it to last longer."